What I Want for My Birthday

Today is my 61st birthday.

On this occasion, grant me one wish - that you read "Why I'd Rather Sleep with a Man over 50" at AlterNet, by Katherine Anne Forsythe (clips):

A 25-year-old with a firm six pack might be fun to look at and know how to satisfy himself. But what about satisfying you?

Rippling, hard muscles. Firm six pack. Tight, round butt. He undresses you hurriedly. Your pulse is racing. You open your eyes to see a chiseled twenty-five-year-old face with the look of fiery hunger burning in his eyes. He wants you desperately. You want him madly. Your kisses are delicious and wet and deep and full. Your passion builds. Your breath comes faster. He pumps faster and faster, harder and harder ...

Sound good? Before you decide, consider this: The whole scene, start to finish, took twenty minutes, max. Fortunately, he is resilient. He has a brief recovery time-out, and you start all over again. This time, if you are lucky, he thinks about you and your orgasm. If you are in a typical situation, you may reach orgasm or you might feel pressure to fake it. Of course, he thinks you are loving it. And, why wouldn't he? You are telling him so, over and over, as we are taught to do as women.

In the end, though the experience was hot and passionate, the emphasis was on performance, not pleasing . . .

Let me tell you, it can be so much better. All it takes is an old guy!

Men over fifty, sixty, seventy-five, even ninety can be great lovers for three basic reasons. Primarily, they are not in a hurry. Secondly, they put their partner's needs first. Thirdly, they have learned that great sex doesn't have to include intercourse at all -- it's only one option.

Why, then, do we denounce older men as lovers? Men in the second half of life -- men over fifty -- have taken a heavy hit in our society. The pack of mistruths perpetuated by advertising is overwhelming. Let's look at what we've been told. Performance is all that matters to women. Men in midlife-plus have to struggle to get and maintain erections. Sustained intercourse is for the younger man; older men just can't stay hard enough to "do it" for any length of time. Men (and women) become asexual and lose interest in sex as they age.

Whoa! What man wants to chance not getting hard when the passion play begins? When the suggestion of failure looms, enter the heroes: Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. These medications manage to engorge his penis with blood, and may (not always) save the day by helping him get that hefty, manly hard-on that gives him firm entry when called upon to perform. There can be trouble in paradise, however. These are not magic pills. When dependence on the drug -- rather than the natural libido -- becomes the source of confidence, performance anxiety is heightened, and now the seed of worry grows: What if I forget the pill the next time? The man begins to believe he has lost his ability to get hard without the drug. The diagnosis of ED (erectile dysfunction) in this country has reached epidemic proportions, thanks in part to performance anxiety induced by the suggestion of erectile failure . . .

Instead of embarrassment over lack of rock hard erections, older men can become relaxed, finding imaginative ways of pleasing. Oral sex increases. Sex toys are used. Erotic body exploration happens. In some cases, even "dress up" and gentle kinky sex transpires. A whole new world of possibilities opens up! Here's the best news: Once the worry and fear of soft erections goes away, many older men are surprised at the firm erections that appear seemingly out of nowhere.

All this leads me back to why I'd rather sleep with an old guy. Of course, there is no doubt that the hot stud in the opening scenario would be a big turn on. For me, however, it ends there. Let me look at eye candy on a DVD or at the beach. I can fantasize about him when alone. For my real bedroom, give me a seasoned man. I'll take the older guy who takes his time. The one who plays and teases, and offers suggestions of new titillating erotic ideas. I don't need the old routine -- ending in intercourse every single time. Been there, done that, and it's overrated. Give me someone who knows what I like and cares enough to make sure I get it. I'll place my bets on the older guy ... Who knew?

Thanks. That's all I wanted.

Be at peace.

Categories: sex

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